dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
