Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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