i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
