Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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