Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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