my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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