He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
