Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
