You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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