okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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