Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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