Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
