I bet he comes in French.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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