Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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