At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
