now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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