I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
