no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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