If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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