If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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