Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
