Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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