Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
