Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
