I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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