I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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