This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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