ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
