I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
