I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize