I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this is an emotional support booty call
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
