I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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