im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
