i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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