i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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