Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize