At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
