hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
