I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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