hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
