all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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