i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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