he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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