I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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