Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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