party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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