so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
