At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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