Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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