He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Green mimosas i think yes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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