any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
