I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
