its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I forget how to act sober
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