Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
