She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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