i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
