Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
