Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize