Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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