I wannas sexs uuuuu
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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