My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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