I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize