Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize