The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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