true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
