it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
