well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize