Already got asked if we're dating
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
