So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
