i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
