Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
