she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
