now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
