Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he shaved USA in his pubs
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
