I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my liver is dry heaving
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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