I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
