Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
