i just had sex bonerless
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
