Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
