he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
