i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
