The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
