I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
