Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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