So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
