I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
