One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize