The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
