We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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