Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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