Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
