Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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