The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
