she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
