So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
